Rule #1,000

Always leave them wanting more.

If I Leave Here Tomorrow, Will You Still Remember Me?

Tomorrow's rule will be the end of this blog for the foreseeable future. This a decision I've argued back and forth with myself, but, with my current load of responsibilities, a daily updated blog is something which I can no longer continue to maintain. There may be rules at some point in the future again, but 1,000 rules seems like a good place to stop for now. For all of you who have been faithful followers of this blog and enjoyed it, thank you for your devotion. For all of you who have been faithful followers of this blog and not enjoyed it, I might ask why, but I suppose I owe you thanks as well. There are many trite words that could be said, none of which might sufficiently express my feelings at this, an end of an era in my life; in earnest simplicity, I will merely say goodbye. I'll miss you all.

Rule #999

There's a certain thrilling satisfaction that comes from watching an odometer roll over.

Rule #998

Television is rarely accurate in its portrayal of any particular grouping of people.

Rule #997

Christmas can start as early as you want (as long as it's after Halloween).

Rule #996

British actors are very good at accents.

Rule #995

American actors are not very good at accents.

Rule #994

"Hip" and "culturally relevant" have a shorter shelf life than milk.

Rule #993

When you're having car trouble and don't know how to fix it, a car engine looks like the world's most complicated puzzle.

Rule #992

Settings a mouse trap makes you afraid for your fingers.

Rule #991

Sometimes you have too much to say and too little time.

Rule #990

Sometimes you have too much time and too little to say.

Rule #989

Daylight Savings Time is a cruel mistress who gives time only to take it away.

Rule #988

When you've lived in Oklahoma your whole life, it's possible to not experience an earthquake until age 24.

Rule #987

It's not likely, but it is possible to acquire two jobs in one day.

Rule #986

Astonishingly, it's possible to score 18 points in one inning of softball.

Rule #985

Clothing should have nothing to do with irony.

Rule #984

It's easy to fall behind right before you cross the finish line.

Rule #983

There's nothing quite as wonderful for Evil Wanderer as the look on a child's face when you run out of candy on Halloween.

Rule #982

Putting teenagers in masks with leafblowers in a corn maze doesn't really make it any scarier.

Rule #981

Some things just won't seem to disappear, even after the hype has died down.

Rule #980

Dogs can fall asleep in positions that would break a human's spine.

Rule #979

There is a careful order of operations when using Icy Hot, using the restroom, and washing your hands.

Rule #978

Depressing rules are depressing.

Rule #977

Grief can destroy you, but only if you let it.

Rule #976

It's easy (and cheaper) to prevent fleas than it is to treat them.

Rule #975

Getting a plumbing estimate over the phone isn't easy.

Rule #974

There are very few reasons anyone would willingly go to Arnett, OK.

Rule #973

Superman should never wear a Thriller jacket.

Rule #972

It's possible for a show to be about fashion and psychology.

Rule #971

The only thing worse than telling corny jokes is having to tell someone else's corny jokes.

Rule #970

Death is a good thing when it brings closure.

Rule #969

Watching someone struggle to breath is a long, hard way to spend your time.

Rule #968

Death is unpredictable.

Rule #967

Time in a football game is even more unpredictable than time in Narnia.

Rule #966

Before you let a dog groomer give your dog a Westie cut, ask what that means.

Rule #965

Nature's fine with me as long as it stays outside.

Rule #964

The fact that people collect things doesn't make them valuable.

Rule #963

87% of Reality TV shows are 74% fake (But don't take my word for it).

Rule #962

Vomiting is a terrible way to start your day.

Rule #961

Finding a job in ministry is a lot like finding a date to the Sadie Hawkins Dance: all you can do is find a good place to stay visible, and hope someone good picks you.

Rule #960 (End of Conan the Barbarian Guest Week)

Conan the Barbarian Guest Rule #7:

Conan! What is best in life?

(watch video for answer and today's rule.)

Rule #959

Conan the Barbarian Guest Rule #6:

Break the neck of a wild Cimmerian bull before you call yourself strong.

Rule #958

Conan the Barbarian Guest Rule #5:

There's nothing in the universe cold steel won't cut.

Rule #957

Conan the Barbarian Guest Rule #4:

Let me live deep while I live.

Rule #956

Conan the Barbarian Guest Rule #3:

When I cannot stand alone, it will be time to die.

Rule #955

Conan the Barbarian Guest Rule #2:

Mount and follow me to Hell.

Rule #954 ( Beginning of the Conan the Barbarian Guest Week)

By Crom! If you are weak, flee in fear, for this week on the rule blog belongs to Conan the Barbarian.

Conan the Barbarian Guest Rule #1:

Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split.

Rule #953

Sometimes it's all in your head.

Rule #952

When you work hard to clean, you want to keep things clean.

Rule #951

Take time out for lunch with good friends.