Rule #1,089

Spoilers Theme Rule #4:

When you buy a crappy sled, you're not going to win in Olympic bobsledding. 

Rule #1,075

A few weeks' worth of diet and exercise can be undone with one weekend of eating out constantly.

Rule #1,030

If you're going to make mistakes, it's better to make them in front of people you never have to see again.

Rule #1,013 (End of You're Not Funny When... Theme Week)

Rule #7: You're Not Funny When...

You beat a dead horse.

(p.s. You're also not funny when you tell me that this week's rules weren't funny.)

Rule #1,012

Rule #6: You're Not Funny When...

You're Jay Leno.

Rule #1,011

Rule #5: You're Not Funny When...

You use any kind of catchphrase.

Rule #1,010

Rule #4: You're Not Funny When...

You quote others incessantly.

Rule #1,009

Rule #3: You're Not Funny When...

You repeat yourself over and over again.

Rule #1,008

Rule #2: You're Not Funny When...

Puppets take care of the racism for you.

Rule #1,007 (Beginning of You're Not Funny When... Theme Week)

Fortunately for all of you, special weeks are still seven days long here on the rule blog.  Unfortunately, this one is guaranteed to step on more than a few toes.  Prepare to find out why no one is laughing with you.

Rule #1: You're Not Funny When...

You're being incredibly racist.

Rule #986

Astonishingly, it's possible to score 18 points in one inning of softball.

Rule #870 (Beginning of Existentialism Guest Week)

Thanks to wonderfulness of this video, I've got existentialism on the brain. Prepare to embrace the nothingness of existence:

Existential Guest Rule #1:

All human actions are equivalent and all are on principle doomed to failure.

Rule #750

Anthropomorphism makes some things better, and some things much worse.

Rule #735

If you're married and invite a friend to stay at your place for the weekend, make sure you tell your spouse about it first.

Rule #646

If you failed tremendously on your last attempt, you have nowhere to go but up.

Rule #450

Everyone fails occasionally.

Rule #9

It's always a good idea to understand history. Those who don't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.