Friday, December 31, 2010

Rule #679

Don't drink and drive.*

*This very special rule has been brought to you in association with M.A.D.D. and S.A.D.D. In all seriousness, though, have a wonderful and safe New Year's Eve (for those who will be celebrating).

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Rule #678

Work can be really boring when you can count the people you see during an 8 hour day on one hand.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Rule #677

The NFL may be full of cry-baby millionaires, but at least they don't have to worry about academic ineligibility.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Rule #676

Much like TV tropes (and Wikipedia), Cracked is also a trap that will keep you clicking for hours.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Rule #675

Cracked is a wonderful source of news.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Rule #674

It doesn't matter if someone's mad as long as they aren't mad at you.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Rule #673 (End of the Reign of The Evil Wanderer)

Christmas miracles (like defeating your evil doppelganger by agreeing to let him write rules for Halloween) really do happen.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Rule #672

Evil Rule #6 (from Evil Wanderer):

Smoking makes you cooler (especially if you're not 18 yet).

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Rule #671

Evil Rule #5 (from Evil Wanderer):

Shoplifting is okay as long as you get away with it.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Rule #670

Evil Rule #4 (from Evil Wanderer):

Never leave the seat down.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Rule #669

Evil Rule #3 (from Evil Wanderer):

Never refill ice cube trays.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Rule #668

Evil Rule #2 (from Evil Wanderer):

Steal candy from babies.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Rule #667 (Beginning of the Reign of the Evil Wanderer)

Hey losers! Rule #666 opened up a portal to a parallel dimension where an evil doppelganger Wanderer runs things. Now that I'm loose in your dimension, I'm taking over, starting with this blog.

Evil Rule #1:

Kick puppies. Constantly.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Rule #666

It's probably just an unfortunate coincidence when Rule #666 and your first wedding anniversary appear on the same day.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Rule #665

Every man needs a Fortress of Solitude.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Rule #664

If you think packing takes forever, just wait until you have to unpack everything.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Rule #663

Never underestimate the amount of stuff you can accumulate living in a one-bedroom apartment.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Rule #662

Stubbornly trying to do Christmas "your way" will just ruin the holiday for everybody, yourself included.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Rule #661

Books are addictive.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Rule #660

When the law won't let you abuse your children*, get creative.

*Rules to Live Your Life By does not advocate child abuse. Usually.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Rule #659

If you move somewhere with hardwood floors in winter, invest in some slippers.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Rule #658

Dropping a soup can on the top of your foot really hurts.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Rule #656

It's possible to ruin someone else's day without even realizing it.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Rule #655

The fact that something is a tie-in product doesn't necessarily mean it will suck (although most do).

Monday, December 6, 2010

Rule #654

You don't realize how addicting the internet is until you try and live without it.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Rule #653

When you're moving out, sometimes you have to ignore what Rule #77 is telling you.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Friday, December 3, 2010

Rule #651

Men don't care about curtains (regardless of what my wife thinks).

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Rule #649

Taking caffeine out of things that are supposed to have caffeine is ridiculous.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Rule #648

Sleeping on an air mattress is better than sleeping on plywood.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Rule #647

Children act like wild animals in large groups.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Rule #646

If you failed tremendously on your last attempt, you have nowhere to go but up.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Rule #645 (End of Civil Rights Leaders Guest Week)

Civil Rights Guest Rule #7 (from Martin Luther King, Jr.):

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Rule #644

Civil Rights Guest Rule #6 (from Susan B. Anthony):

No man is good enough to govern any woman without her consent.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Rule #643

Civil Rights Guest Rule #5 (from Harvey Milk):

All young people, regardless of sexual orientation or identity, deserve a safe and supportive environment in which to achieve their full potential.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Rule #642

Civil Rights Guest Rule #4 (from Cesar Chavez):

Once social change begins, it cannot be reversed.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Rule #641

Civil Rights Guest Rule #3 (from the Dalai Lama):

Where ignorance is our master, there is no possibility of real peace.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Rule #640

Civil Rights Guest Rule #2 (from Pope John Paul II):

Social justice cannot be created by violence. Violence kills what it intends to create.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Rule #639 (Beginning of Civil Rights Leaders Guest Week)

I'd apologize for another guest week so soon if I ever apologized for anything, but Civil Rights have been on my mind a lot lately. So, in honor of these revolutionaries (and hopefully in an attempt to offset some of the karma of Political Philosophy Guest Week), power to the peaceful:

Civil Rights Guest Rule #1 (from Mohandas Ghandi):

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Rule #638

Even if your one bedroom apartment feels cramped and tiny, it'll still take forever to pack.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Rule #637

Fame and infamy are not synonymous terms.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Rule #636

If you're going to use email, it should be gmail.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Rule #635

People are unlikely to appreciate things in the same way you do.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Rule #634

Football is more fun when your team is winning.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Rule #633

October is too early to start celebrating Christmas.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Rule #631 (End of Mixed Metaphor Theme Week)

Mixed Metaphor #7:

If at first you don't succeed, die by the sword.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Rule #630

Mixed Metaphor #6:

You can't teach an old dog to take the bull by the horns.