Rule #1,079

Car shopping is exhausting.

Rule #999

There's a certain thrilling satisfaction that comes from watching an odometer roll over.

Rule #993

When you're having car trouble and don't know how to fix it, a car engine looks like the world's most complicated puzzle.

Rule #746

When it's car vs. brick wall, the brick wall may take a beating, but it's always going to win.

Rule #745

Pacemaker or not, you probably shouldn't be allowed to portray Darth Vader if you've never seen Star Wars.

Rule #711

Johnny Cash Guest Rule #10:

If you get it one piece at a time it won't cost you a dime.

Rule #385

When you start to notice a funny smell, it's definitely time to clean out your car.

Rule #353

Zombie Survival Rule #3:

Stay as close to your vehicle as you can when exploring unfamiliar territory.

Rule #185

Typically, the size of a man's vehicle is inversely proportional to the size of his member.

Rule #32

Always have a spare door key to your car.

Rule #5

Whenever possible, park with an exit strategy.