Rule #1,082

The anniversary of a tragedy is the second-worst day to have a birthday.

Rule #1,001

Don't call it a comeback.

Rule #764 (End of Rapper Guest Week)

Rapper Guest Rule #7 (from Jay-Z):

If you don't like my lyrics you can press fast forward.

Rule #763

Rapper Guest Rule #6 (from Flobots):

I can ride my bike with no handlebars.

Rule #762

Rapper Guest Rule #5 (from Vanilla Ice):

Turn off the lights and I'll glow.

Rule #761

Rapper Guest Rule #4 (from Outkast):

Ain't nobody dope as me; I'm dressed so fresh, so clean.

Rule #760

Rapper Guest Rule #3 (from Sugarhill Gang):

What you hear is not a test--I'm rappin' to the beat.

Rule #759

Rapper Guest Rule #2 (from Kanye West):

You wait a couple months then you gon' see you'll never find nobody better than me.

Rule #758 (Beginning of Rapper Guest Week)

Some of you might be surprised to know that I quite enjoy rap. I'll do my best not to say something embarrassingly white here, but you know the drill*:

Rapper Guest Rule #1 (from Snoop Dogg):

When the pigs try to get at ya, park it like it's hot.

*Links this week are very likely to contain profanity, so if you have delicate sensibilities (or just hate rap) I'd avoid clicking them.