Rule #679

Don't drink and drive.*

*This very special rule has been brought to you in association with M.A.D.D. and S.A.D.D. In all seriousness, though, have a wonderful and safe New Year's Eve (for those who will be celebrating).

Rule #678

Work can be really boring when you can count the people you see during an 8 hour day on one hand.

Rule #677

The NFL may be full of cry-baby millionaires, but at least they don't have to worry about academic ineligibility.

Rule #676

Much like TV tropes (and Wikipedia), Cracked is also a trap that will keep you clicking for hours.

Rule #675

Cracked is a wonderful source of news.

Rule #674

It doesn't matter if someone's mad as long as they aren't mad at you.

Rule #673 (End of the Reign of The Evil Wanderer)

Christmas miracles (like defeating your evil doppelganger by agreeing to let him write rules for Halloween) really do happen.

Rule #672

Evil Rule #6 (from Evil Wanderer):

Smoking makes you cooler (especially if you're not 18 yet).

Rule #671

Evil Rule #5 (from Evil Wanderer):

Shoplifting is okay as long as you get away with it.

Rule #670

Evil Rule #4 (from Evil Wanderer):

Never leave the seat down.

Rule #669

Evil Rule #3 (from Evil Wanderer):

Never refill ice cube trays.

Rule #668

Evil Rule #2 (from Evil Wanderer):

Steal candy from babies.

Rule #667 (Beginning of the Reign of the Evil Wanderer)

Hey losers! Rule #666 opened up a portal to a parallel dimension where an evil doppelganger Wanderer runs things. Now that I'm loose in your dimension, I'm taking over, starting with this blog.

Evil Rule #1:

Kick puppies. Constantly.

Rule #666

It's probably just an unfortunate coincidence when Rule #666 and your first wedding anniversary appear on the same day.

Rule #665

Every man needs a Fortress of Solitude.

Rule #664

If you think packing takes forever, just wait until you have to unpack everything.

Rule #663

Never underestimate the amount of stuff you can accumulate living in a one-bedroom apartment.

Rule #662

Stubbornly trying to do Christmas "your way" will just ruin the holiday for everybody, yourself included.

Rule #661

Books are addictive.

Rule #660

When the law won't let you abuse your children*, get creative.


*Rules to Live Your Life By does not advocate child abuse. Usually.

Rule #659

If you move somewhere with hardwood floors in winter, invest in some slippers.

Rule #658

Dropping a soup can on the top of your foot really hurts.

Rule #657

Bureaucracy blows.

Rule #656

It's possible to ruin someone else's day without even realizing it.

Rule #655

The fact that something is a tie-in product doesn't necessarily mean it will suck (although most do).

Rule #654

You don't realize how addicting the internet is until you try and live without it.

Rule #653

When you're moving out, sometimes you have to ignore what Rule #77 is telling you.

Rule #652

Free furniture is awesome (although it may be a trap...).

Rule #651

Men don't care about curtains (regardless of what my wife thinks).

Rule #650

Never forget Rule #523.

Rule #649

Taking caffeine out of things that are supposed to have caffeine is ridiculous.

Rule #648

Sleeping on an air mattress is better than sleeping on plywood.

Rule #647

Children act like wild animals in large groups.

Rule #646

If you failed tremendously on your last attempt, you have nowhere to go but up.

Rule #645 (End of Civil Rights Leaders Guest Week)

Civil Rights Guest Rule #7 (from Martin Luther King, Jr.):

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.

Rule #644

Civil Rights Guest Rule #6 (from Susan B. Anthony):

No man is good enough to govern any woman without her consent.

Rule #643

Civil Rights Guest Rule #5 (from Harvey Milk):

All young people, regardless of sexual orientation or identity, deserve a safe and supportive environment in which to achieve their full potential.

Rule #642

Civil Rights Guest Rule #4 (from Cesar Chavez):

Once social change begins, it cannot be reversed.

Rule #641

Civil Rights Guest Rule #3 (from the Dalai Lama):

Where ignorance is our master, there is no possibility of real peace.

Rule #640

Civil Rights Guest Rule #2 (from Pope John Paul II):

Social justice cannot be created by violence. Violence kills what it intends to create.

Rule #639 (Beginning of Civil Rights Leaders Guest Week)

I'd apologize for another guest week so soon if I ever apologized for anything, but Civil Rights have been on my mind a lot lately. So, in honor of these revolutionaries (and hopefully in an attempt to offset some of the karma of Political Philosophy Guest Week), power to the peaceful:

Civil Rights Guest Rule #1 (from Mohandas Ghandi):

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

Rule #638

Even if your one bedroom apartment feels cramped and tiny, it'll still take forever to pack.

Rule #637

Fame and infamy are not synonymous terms.

Rule #636

If you're going to use email, it should be gmail.

Rule #635

People are unlikely to appreciate things in the same way you do.

Rule #634

Football is more fun when your team is winning.

Rule #633

October is too early to start celebrating Christmas.

Rule #632

Internet comments will destroy your faith in humanity.

Rule #631 (End of Mixed Metaphor Theme Week)

Mixed Metaphor #7:

If at first you don't succeed, die by the sword.

Rule #630

Mixed Metaphor #6:

You can't teach an old dog to take the bull by the horns.