Rule #1,100

It's hard to make a bad version of some foods.

Rule #1,083

When looking for a picture about September 11th birthdays, it's hard to find one that isn't a cake decorated with flaming skyscrapers (No, I won't show you them.  Here's a terrible baby cake instead).

Rule #1,075

A few weeks' worth of diet and exercise can be undone with one weekend of eating out constantly.

Rule #1,064

It's hard when your dog is a picky eater and has food allergies.

Rule #1,049

You can eat healthier and start exercising, but you're probably still going to want pizza.

Rule #1,023

Food allergies suck.

Rule #1,019

The worst part of making desserts for other people is not getting to eat them.

Rule #994

"Hip" and "culturally relevant" have a shorter shelf life than milk.

Rule #983

There's nothing quite as wonderful for Evil Wanderer as the look on a child's face when you run out of candy on Halloween.

Rule #971

The only thing worse than telling corny jokes is having to tell someone else's corny jokes.

Rule #961

Finding a job in ministry is a lot like finding a date to the Sadie Hawkins Dance: all you can do is find a good place to stay visible, and hope someone good picks you.

Rule #951

Take time out for lunch with good friends.

Rule #884

Getting caught up when you've fallen behind feels great.

Rule #805

Life in an 80s Movie Rule #6:

If you make Val Kilmer build a death ray, he will destroy your house with popcorn.

Rule #780

Everything delicious is bad for you.

Rule #752

You have to celebrate Pi Day if your wife is a math teacher.

Rule #726

Eating healthy is hard. (In other news, snow is cold, and puppies are adorable.)

Rule #695 (Beginning of Crazy Celebrity Guest Week #2 & Sequel Month)

For the next four weeks, I'm going to be revisiting past theme and guest weeks for a second round. Join me, won't you?

Crazy Celebrity Guest Rule #8 (from Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino)

If you want to look somewhat like The Situation (which is gonna be pretty hard), you need to get that protein in your diet.

Rule #668

Evil Rule #2 (from Evil Wanderer):

Steal candy from babies.

Rule #658

Dropping a soup can on the top of your foot really hurts.