Rule #557

Mess with Texas.

Rule #556

You learn a lot more about a person at their funeral than you ever knew about them when they were alive.

Rule #555

News programs are not a reliable source of information.

Rule #554

Never underestimate the value of a quality mattress.

Rule #553

There are three kinds of old people: the mean, the sweet, and the needy.

Rule #552

Freedom of religion applies to all religions.

Rule #551

Stay away from all-consuming facebook games.

Rule #550

Sometimes planning ahead can cause you to miss opportunities.

Rule #549

Being able to count a woman's ribs from afar is not attractive.

Rule #548

Don't overstate the case.

Rule #547 (End of Horrible Mistakes Made by Shakespearean Characters You Should Avoid Week & Theme Month)

Horrible Mistakes Made by Shakespearean Characters You Should Avoid Rule #7:

Suicide* does not solve all of life's problems.

*although I try to keep the mood light here on the rule blog, if you are contemplating suicide, get help, here or elsewhere.

Rule #546

Horrible Mistakes Made by Shakespearean Characters You Should Avoid Rule #6:

Don't fall asleep in forests inhabited by magical beings.

Rule #545

Horrible Mistakes Made by Shakespearean Characters You Should Avoid Rule #5:

Don't believe rumors without proof.

Rule #544

Horrible Mistakes Made by Shakespearean Characters You Should Avoid Rule #4:

If you're going to avenge your father's death, don't spend five acts whining about it. Just do it already.

Rule #543

Horrible Mistakes Made by Shakespearean Characters You Should Avoid #3:

If you ever become a ruler of some sort, don't trust anyone.

Rule #542

Horrible Mistakes Made by Shakespearean Characters You Should Avoid Rule #2:

Don't take advice from witches.

Rule #541 (Beginning of Horrible Mistakes Made by Shakespearean Characters You Should Avoid Week)

Horrible Mistakes Made by Shakespearean Characters You Should Avoid Rule #1:

Don't get married at the age of 13 (especially not a secret marriage to your sworn enemy).

Rule #540 (End of What I've Learned From Video Games Week)

What I've Learned from Video Games Rule #7:

Women in Video Games have very strong spines.

Rule #539

What I've Learned from Video Games Rule #6:

Don't drive over banana peels.

Rule #538

What I've Learned from Video Games Rule #5:

It is, in fact, possible to enjoy exercise.

Rule #537

What I've Learned from Video Games Rule #4:

LEGOs make everything (even Batman) more adorable.

Rule #536

What I've Learned from Video Games Rule #3:

If you get injured, don't bother going to the hospital. Just eat something, and you'll be fine.

Rule #535

What I've Learned from Video Games Rule #2:

As long as you have some sort of inventory, you can carry more equipment than a pack mule.

Rule #534 (Beginning of What I've Learned From Video Games Week)

What I've Learned From Video Games Rule #1:

You can never have too many coins.

Rule #533 (End of How to Survive a Horror Movie Week)

How to Survive a Horror Movie Rule #7:

If the killer goes down, don't wait to find out if they're actually dead or not. Just run.

*New addition to the rule blog: topical labels for all posts (A work in progress, so bear with me)! A labor of love for you, my faithful readers.

Rule #532

How to Survive a Horror Movie Rule #6:

Don't try to reason/bargain with the homicidal maniac.

Rule #531

How to Survive a Horror Movie Rule #5:

Don't take a shower.

Rule #530

How to Survive a Horror Movie Rule #4:

Don't ever say "I'll be right back."

Rule #529

How to Survive a Horror Movie Rule #3:

When being chased by a murderous psychopath, never run upstairs.

Rule #528

How to Survive a Horror Movie Rule #2:

Don't split up.

Rule #527 (Beginning of How to Survive a Horror Movie Week)

How to Survive a Horror Movie Rule #1:

Don't be promiscuous (i.e. be a virgin or, barring that, be in a committed, monogamous relationship).