Rule #1,099

George R.R. Martin is a cold-hearted killer.

Rule #1,055

A Song of Ice and Fire Rule #5:

Fire cannot kill a dragon.

Rule #1,024

You can only do tedious things for so long before you're ready to murder someone.

Rule #885

Killing murderers doesn't make their victims any less dead.

Rule #787

Your average adult male can't kill an ostrich (or a llama) with his bare hands.

Rule #701 (End of Crazy Celebrity Guest Week #2)

Celebrity Guest Rule #14 (from Lady Gaga):

Live your eyeliner, breathe your lipstick, and kill for each other.

Rule #542

Horrible Mistakes Made by Shakespearean Characters You Should Avoid Rule #2:

Don't take advice from witches.

Rule #533 (End of How to Survive a Horror Movie Week)

How to Survive a Horror Movie Rule #7:

If the killer goes down, don't wait to find out if they're actually dead or not. Just run.

*New addition to the rule blog: topical labels for all posts (A work in progress, so bear with me)! A labor of love for you, my faithful readers.

Rule #532

How to Survive a Horror Movie Rule #6:

Don't try to reason/bargain with the homicidal maniac.

Rule #441 (End of Living Like John McClane Week)

Living Like John McClane Rule #7:

In the midst of all the killing and the cursing, don't forget to take a minute and enjoy the holiday season.

Rule #437

Living Like John McClane Rule #3:

The best way to signal for help is to throw a corpse out of a window.

Rule #435 (Beginning of Living Like John McClane Week)

Those of you who know me know that I love Die Hard and its titular main character, John McClane. Since I've shown you how to live like a supervillain, I thought this week I'd show you how to live like a foul-mouthed, anti-hero who isn't afraid to get a little blood on his hands. Shall we?

Living Like John McClane Rule #1:

Shoot first and ask questions later (assuming you left anyone alive [although, for John McClane's interrogation techniques*, this isn't technically necessary]).

*Disclaimer: links this week are likely to contain profanity. Click at your own risk.

Rule #425

Some problems have no solution.

(The Real) Rule #404

How to Become a Supervillain Rule #5:

Kill someone your archnemesis cares about.