Rule #618

There's only one day during the year when dressing up in silly costumes as an adult isn't condemned by society at large. Enjoy it.

Rule #617

Don't watch scary movies alone or in the dark.

Rule #616

Nothing is funnier than puns (because the point of humor is to make people groan).

Rule #615

Recliners don't make very good desk chairs.

Rule #614

Nature is both awe-inspiring and terrifying.

Rule #613

Don't look at the artwork of Stephen Gammell unless you want nightmares.

Rule #612

No one tells the whole truth all the time.

Rule #611

Steroids don't make you more attractive (just remember Rule #4 before you tell anyone who does steroids this).

Rule #610

Watching the Jersey Shore can only end in giving up hope for humanity.

Rule #609

When you've created something wonderful, don't try and add anything to it.

Rule #608

Even amongst nerds there is a social hierarchy.

Rule #607

Much like simplicity, complicatedness is subjective, not objective.

Rule #606

Don't use overly complicated words when they are unnecessary to convey ideas.

Rule #605

Sometimes the simplest things are the best things.

Rule #604

Ads can be entertaining and still not motivate you to buy a product.

Rule #603

It doesn't matter who you are; scholarly works should be written as clearly as possible so they are capable of being more easily understood.

Rule #602

Racist propaganda never did anything good for anybody.

Rule #601

The Man does not appreciate stubble.

Rule #600

If you borrow a pen, give it back.

Rule #599

Even Justin Bieber can sound epic when slowed down 800%.

Rule #598

No one should know what Uranus sounds like.

Rule #597

Technology is always changing the world.

Rule #596 (End of Math Week & Guest Month)

Math Guest Rule #7:

Math is the purest discipline.

Rule #595

Math Guest Rule #6:

F.O.I.L.: not just for leftovers anymore.

Rule #594

Math Guest Rule #5:

If you multiply negativity in life, you get ulcers. If you multiply negativity in math, you get positivity.

Rule #593

Math Guest Rule #4:

Math is racist; only combine like terms.

Rule #592

Math Guest Rule #3:

Mathematics is about harmony & balance; treat both sides of the equations as unique individuals requiring equivocal love & attention (in other words, whatever you do to one side of the equation, do it to the other side, too).

Rule #591

Math Guest Rule #2:

Remember the order of operations.

Rule #590 (Beginning of Math Guest Week [co-written by my wife, Shelley])

Math Guest Rule #1:

Never divide by zero.

Rule #589 (End of Johnny Cash Guest Week)

Johnny Cash Guest Rule #7:

There's nothin' short of dyin' half as lonesome as the sound of the sleepin' city sidewalks and Sunday mornin' comin' down.

Rule #588

Johnny Cash Guest Rule #6:

Lay off that whiskey and let that cocaine be.