Rule #799 (End of Why Dogs Are Man's Best Friends Week)

Why Dogs Are Man's Best Friends Rule #7:

Because they don't train seeing-eye cats or rescue cats.

Rule #798

Why Dogs Are Man's Best Friend Rule #6:

They can scare off intruders and loneliness.

Rule #797

Why Dogs Are Man's Best Friends Rule #5:

They're not cats.

Rule #796

Why Dogs Are Man's Best Friends Rule #4:

Dogs don't care if you blame them for your farts.

Rule #795

Why Dogs Are Man's Best Friend Rule #3:

Men don't dress dogs up in ridiculous outfits.

Rule #794

Why Dogs Are Man's Best Friends Rule #2:

They'll help you clean.

Rule #793 (Beginning of Theme Month & Why Dogs Are Man's Best Friends Week)

It's time for another theme month, and, to celebrate my coming initiation into dog ownership this weekend, I'm kicking it off with a week of rules about why dogs are man's best friend.

Why Dogs Are Man's Best Friends Rule #1:

Dogs are loyal.

Rule #792

Fixing things makes you feel like a man.

Rule #791

Picking out names for a puppy is pretty fun.

Rule #790

Rule #789 does not come with a money-back guarantee.

Rule #789

Washing your flash drive isn't that big of a deal. It'll probably still work.

Rule #788

A television show less than a month away from the series finale shouldn't be showing filler episodes.

Rule #787

Your average adult male can't kill an ostrich (or a llama) with his bare hands.

Rule #786

While people who affirm your own position don't make you any better, they can certainly make you feel better.

Rule #785

There are legitimate reasons for a 23 year-old man to have a small spoon collection.

Rule #784

Even Travis knew when it was time to put Old Yeller down.

Rule #783

The simplest things can make your day so much better.

Rule #782

Wikipedia is the greatest source of knowledge in the world [citation needed].

Rule #781

Everyone needs a rallying cry now and then.

Rule #780

Everything delicious is bad for you.

Rule #779

Eternal vigilance is the price of cleanliness.

Rule #778

Happiness is a worn pun.

Rule #777

The internet often takes things too far.

Rule #776

It's possible to ruin someone's day from hundreds of miles away.

Rule #775

Speak out however you can long enough and eventually someone has to hear you.

Rule #774

How thinly-veiled criticism is depends on who is receiving it.

Rule #773

Fear of future repercussion keeps society polite.

Rule #772

Without actions backing them up, kind words feel insincere.

Rule #771

Being excited about purchasing a lawn mower can make you feel way too grown-up.

Rule #770

Not having a rule until the next day counts as an April Fool's Day prank.