Rules to Live Your Life By

Rule #1,000

2011-11-17T00:01:00.000-06:00

Always leave them wanting more.

If I Leave Here Tomorrow, Will You Still Remember Me?

2011-11-16T00:05:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow's rule will be the end of this blog for the foreseeable future. This a decision I've argued back and forth with myself, but, with my current load of responsibilities, a daily updated blog is something which I can no longer continue to maintain. There may be rules at some point in the future again, but 1,000 rules seems like a good place to stop for now. For all of you who have been faithful followers of this blog and enjoyed it, thank you for your devotion. For all of you who have been faithful followers of this blog and not enjoyed it, I might ask why, but I suppose I owe you thanks as well. There are many trite words that could be said, none of which might sufficiently express my feelings at this, an end of an era in my life; in earnest simplicity, I will merely say goodbye. I'll miss you all.

Rule #999

2011-11-16T00:01:00.000-06:00

There's a certain thrilling satisfaction that comes from watching an odometer roll over.

Rule #998

2011-11-15T00:01:00.000-06:00

Television is rarely accurate in its portrayal of any particular grouping of people.

Rule #997

2011-11-14T00:01:00.003-06:00

Christmas can start as early as you want (as long as it's after Halloween).

Rule #996

2011-11-13T00:01:00.002-06:00

British actors are very good at accents.

Rule #995

2011-11-12T00:01:00.003-06:00

American actors are not very good at accents.

Rule #994

2011-11-11T00:01:00.004-06:00

"Hip" and "culturally relevant" have a shorter shelf life than milk.

Rule #993

2011-11-10T00:01:00.004-06:00

When you're having car trouble and don't know how to fix it, a car engine looks like the world's most complicated puzzle.

Rule #992

2011-11-09T00:01:00.002-06:00

Settings a mouse trap makes you afraid for your fingers.

Rule #991

2011-11-08T00:01:00.002-06:00

Sometimes you have too much to say and too little time.

Rule #990

2011-11-07T00:01:00.000-06:00

Sometimes you have too much time and too little to say.

Rule #989

2011-11-06T08:04:00.002-06:00

Daylight Savings Time is a cruel mistress who gives time only to take it away.

Rule #988

2011-11-05T23:59:00.002-05:00

When you've lived in Oklahoma your whole life, it's possible to not experience an earthquake until age 24.

Rule #987

2011-11-04T23:59:00.002-05:00

It's not likely, but it is possible to acquire two jobs in one day.

Rule #986

2011-11-03T23:59:00.001-05:00

Astonishingly, it's possible to score 18 points in one inning of softball.

Rule #985

2011-11-02T00:01:00.002-05:00

Clothing should have nothing to do with irony.

Rule #984

2011-11-01T07:24:00.003-05:00

It's easy to fall behind right before you cross the finish line.

Rule #983

2011-10-31T19:06:00.011-05:00

There's nothing quite as wonderful for Evil Wanderer as the look on a child's face when you run out of candy on Halloween.

Rule #982

2011-10-30T23:59:00.002-05:00

Putting teenagers in masks with leafblowers in a corn maze doesn't really make it any scarier.

Rule #981

2011-10-29T23:59:00.004-05:00

Some things just won't seem to disappear, even after the hype has died down.

Rule #980

2011-10-28T00:01:00.000-05:00

Dogs can fall asleep in positions that would break a human's spine.

Rule #979

2011-10-27T21:14:00.005-05:00

There is a careful order of operations when using Icy Hot, using the restroom, and washing your hands.

Rule #978

2011-10-26T09:51:00.002-05:00

Depressing rules are depressing.

Rule #977

2011-10-25T23:59:00.000-05:00

Grief can destroy you, but only if you let it.

Rule #976

2011-10-24T23:59:00.000-05:00

It's easy (and cheaper) to prevent fleas than it is to treat them.

Rule #975

2011-10-23T23:59:00.002-05:00

Getting a plumbing estimate over the phone isn't easy.

Rule #974

2011-10-22T00:01:00.002-05:00

There are very few reasons anyone would willingly go to Arnett, OK.

Rule #973

2011-10-21T14:31:00.002-05:00

Superman should never wear a Thriller jacket.

Rule #972

2011-10-20T23:59:00.002-05:00

It's possible for a show to be about fashion and psychology.

Rule #971

2011-10-19T23:59:00.003-05:00

The only thing worse than telling corny jokes is having to tell someone else's corny jokes.

Rule #970

2011-10-18T23:59:00.002-05:00

Death is a good thing when it brings closure.

Rule #969

2011-10-17T23:59:00.003-05:00

Watching someone struggle to breath is a long, hard way to spend your time.

Rule #968

2011-10-16T23:59:00.002-05:00

Death is unpredictable.

Rule #967

2011-10-15T12:44:00.002-05:00

Time in a football game is even more unpredictable than time in Narnia.

Rule #966

2011-10-14T00:01:00.001-05:00

Before you let a dog groomer give your dog a Westie cut, ask what that means.

Rule #965

2011-10-13T17:38:00.002-05:00

Nature's fine with me as long as it stays outside.

Rule #964

2011-10-12T00:01:00.000-05:00

The fact that people collect things doesn't make them valuable.

Rule #963

2011-10-11T15:45:00.003-05:00

87% of Reality TV shows are 74% fake (But don't take my word for it).

Rule #962

2011-10-10T23:59:00.002-05:00

Vomiting is a terrible way to start your day.

Rule #961

2011-10-09T00:01:00.002-05:00

Finding a job in ministry is a lot like finding a date to the Sadie Hawkins Dance: all you can do is find a good place to stay visible, and hope someone good picks you.

Rule #960 (End of Conan the Barbarian Guest Week)

2011-10-08T00:01:00.003-05:00

Conan the Barbarian Guest Rule #7:

Conan! What is best in life?

(watch video for answer and today's rule.)

Rule #959

2011-10-07T00:01:00.003-05:00

Conan the Barbarian Guest Rule #6:

Break the neck of a wild Cimmerian bull before you call yourself strong.

Rule #958

2011-10-06T00:01:00.004-05:00

Conan the Barbarian Guest Rule #5:

There's nothing in the universe cold steel won't cut.

Rule #957

2011-10-05T00:01:00.003-05:00

Conan the Barbarian Guest Rule #4:

Let me live deep while I live.

Rule #956

2011-10-04T00:01:00.002-05:00

Conan the Barbarian Guest Rule #3:

When I cannot stand alone, it will be time to die.

Rule #955

2011-10-03T20:30:00.004-05:00

Conan the Barbarian Guest Rule #2:

Mount and follow me to Hell.

Rule #954 ( Beginning of the Conan the Barbarian Guest Week)

2011-10-02T23:59:00.005-05:00

By Crom! If you are weak, flee in fear, for this week on the rule blog belongs to Conan the Barbarian.

Conan the Barbarian Guest Rule #1:

Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split.

Rule #953

2011-10-01T23:59:00.004-05:00

Sometimes it's all in your head.

Rule #952

2011-09-30T17:38:00.002-05:00

When you work hard to clean, you want to keep things clean.

Rule #951

2011-09-29T21:01:00.002-05:00

Take time out for lunch with good friends.

Rule #950

2011-09-28T14:34:00.002-05:00

The end is coming.

Rule #949

2011-09-27T17:46:00.002-05:00

There is nothing this video can't motivate you to do.

Rule #948

2011-09-26T23:59:00.002-05:00

Left-handed people with big hands can't be too choosy about their baseball gloves.

Rule #947

2011-09-25T23:59:00.002-05:00

Freedom feels good.

Rule #946

2011-09-24T10:35:00.002-05:00

Everyone has a childhood crush that sticks with them for life.

Rule #945

2011-09-23T23:59:00.003-05:00

Some dog chew toys are less durable than you might hope.

Rule #944

2011-09-22T00:01:00.000-05:00

In my castle I'm the freakin' king.

Rule #943

2011-09-21T06:38:00.003-05:00

Work song lyrics into everyday conversation whenever possible (bonus points for creativity).

Rule #942

2011-09-20T06:34:00.002-05:00

State fairs are overrated.

Rule #941

2011-09-19T23:59:00.001-05:00

If you don't look carefully at your assignments, you could wind up realizing you have to write a 2-3 page paper a couple of hours before it's due.

Rule #940

2011-09-18T23:59:00.002-05:00

3:40 am is too late to stay up watching football.

Rule #939

2011-09-17T19:16:00.003-05:00

Some people are very easy to hate.

Rule #938

2011-09-16T00:01:00.002-05:00

When life brings serendipity your way, grab on tight.

Rule #937

2011-09-15T21:20:00.002-05:00

It's hard to know how a dog's going to react to a new toy.

Rule #936

2011-09-14T05:52:00.003-05:00

Sometimes finishing is more important than winning.

Rule #935

2011-09-13T23:59:00.000-05:00

The smaller the class size, the harder it is to slack off.

Rule #934

2011-09-12T00:01:00.002-05:00

You shouldn't listen to 67% of the statistics that you hear.

Rule #933

2011-09-11T23:37:00.002-05:00

70% of education is taking classes you don't want to take.

Rule #932 (End of What I've Learned From Disney Movies Week #2 & Sequel Month #2)

2011-09-10T00:01:00.002-05:00

What I've Learned from Disney Movies Rule #14:

Things will always get worse before they get better.

Rule #931

2011-09-09T00:01:00.002-05:00

What I've Learned from Disney Movies Rule #13:

Never torture your toys.

Rule #930

2011-09-08T00:01:00.002-05:00

What I've Learned from Disney Movies Rule #12:

Breaking a curse or not, it's creepy to kiss a sleeping woman you don't even know.

Rule #929

2011-09-07T00:01:00.003-05:00

What I've Learned from Disney Movies Rule #11:

Sometimes it's totally innocent when an attractive young woman is living with seven lonely bachelors.

Rule #928

2011-09-06T00:01:00.003-05:00

What I've Learned from Disney Movies Rule #10:

Witches are almost always evil.

Rule #927

2011-09-05T00:01:00.002-05:00

What I've Learned from Disney Movies Rule #9:

Cross-dressing is one of the many paths by which one can find true love.

Rule #926 (Beginning of What I've Learned from Disney Movies Week #2)

2011-09-04T00:01:00.002-05:00

What I've Learned from Disney Movies Rule #8:

Frying pans are excellent weapons.

Rule #925 (End of What I've Learned From Video Games Week #2)

2011-09-03T00:01:00.003-05:00

What I've Learned from Video Games Rule #14:

Football only gets better the more gratuitous violence you add.

Rule #924

2011-09-02T00:01:00.002-05:00

What I've Learned from Video Games Rule #13:

There's nothing quite like stealing a tank.

Rule #923

2011-09-01T00:01:00.003-05:00

What I've Learned from Video Games Rule #12:

When in doubt, up up down down left right left right B A.

Rule #922

2011-08-31T00:01:00.002-05:00

What I've Learned From Video Games Rule #11:

When it comes to mass appeal, simpler is better.

Rule #921

2011-08-30T00:01:00.002-05:00

What I've Learned from Video Games Rule #10:

Effeminate men love ridiculous clothing and giant swords.

Rule #920

2011-08-29T00:01:00.003-05:00

What I've Learned from Video Games Rule #9:

Hedgehogs are incredibly fast and like to hang out with mutant foxes.

Rule #919 (Beginning of What I've Learned from Video Games Week #2)

2011-08-28T00:01:00.002-05:00

What I've Learned from Video Games Rule #8:

Fighting games require little to no skill if you can trap your opponent by repeating the same simple move over and over.

Rule #918 (End of Webcomic Guest Week #2)

2011-08-27T00:01:00.004-05:00

Webcomic Guest Rule #14 (from Toothpaste for Dinner):

Babies don't need pockets.

Rule #917

2011-08-26T00:01:00.003-05:00

Webcomic Guest Rule #13 (from Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal):

Don't invite Mathematicians to sporting events.

Rule #916

2011-08-25T00:01:00.002-05:00

Webcomic Guest Rule #12 (from Scenes from a Multiverse):

Volcanoes are nature's pimples.

Rule #915

2011-08-24T00:01:00.002-05:00

Webcomic Guest Rule #11 (from Our Valued Customers):

Batman is an important part of any trip to see the dentist.

Rule #914

2011-08-23T00:01:00.003-05:00

Webcomic Guest Rule #10 (from Jersey Circus):

You need to on your tip-top game with your GTL to stay FTD to get the girls to DTF in MIA.

Rule #913

2011-08-22T00:01:00.002-05:00

Webcomic Guest Rule #9 (from Garfield Minus Garfield):

If you don't understand women, just pretend that you do.

Rule #912 (Beginning of Webcomic Guest Week #2)

2011-08-21T00:01:00.000-05:00

Webcomic Guest Rule #8 (from Let's Be Friends Again):

Sometimes wearing a Superman costume is inappropriate.

Rule #911 (End of Literary Guest Week #2)

2011-08-20T00:01:00.003-05:00

Literary Guest Rule #14 (from Brave New World):

When the individual feels, the community reels.

Rule #910

2011-08-19T00:01:00.002-05:00

Literary Guest Rule #13 (from Beowulf):

Let whoever can win glory before death.

Rule #909

2011-08-18T00:01:00.005-05:00

Literary Guest Rule #12 (from To Kill a Mockingbird):

The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience.

Rule #908

2011-08-17T00:01:00.004-05:00

Literary Guest Rule #11 (from Ender's Game):

Perhaps it's impossible to wear an identity without becoming what you pretend to be.

Rule #907

2011-08-16T00:01:00.004-05:00

Literary Guest Rule #10 (from 1984):

War is Peace
Freedom is Slavery
Ignorance is Strength

Rule #906

2011-08-15T00:01:00.000-05:00

Literary Guest Rule #9 (from Lord of the Flies):

Maybe there is a beast...maybe it's only us.

Rule #905 (Beginning of Sequel Month #2 & Literary Guest Week #2)

2011-08-14T19:18:00.004-05:00

Why work hard when you can follow a familiar, successful formula?

Literary Guest Rule #8 (from The Hobbit):

There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something.

Rule #904

2011-08-13T23:59:00.000-05:00

Sometimes improvisation works.

Rule #903

2011-08-12T06:29:00.002-05:00

One way or another, everything finds a resolution.

Rule #902

2011-08-11T06:24:00.002-05:00

Life leads to a lot of odd realizations, such as the fact that the Penguin was Rocky's mentor.